Top 10 Needs of Wives and Husbands

wedding kissAs an almost 40 year veteran of marriage, I have read a lot of books on the topic. A few have been transforming and a handful somewhat boring.  One of the most interesting books is called,  “His Needs, Her Needs: Building an Affair-Proof Marriage” by Willard Harley, Jr.

Intrigued?  I was too when I first saw the title.

Here is the Amazon description:

In the classic bestseller His Needs, Her Needs, Willard F. Harley, Jr., identifies the ten most vital needs of men and women and shows husbands and wives how to satisfy those needs in their spouses. He provides guidance for becoming irresistible to your spouse and for loving more creatively and sensitively, thereby eliminating the problems that often lead to extramarital affairs.

Pretty bold, right?  Now before you read any further, you might want to stop and think of what you would put on that list.

One of the more fascinating aspects of Harley’s book is that while he defines the top ten needs that apply to both husbands and wives, he subdivides the list into five items especially important to wives and five especially important to husbands.

Without further ado, here is the list in random order.

  1. Honesty and openness
  2. Admiration
  3. Family commitment
  4. Sexual fulfillment
  5. Financial support
  6. Recreational companionship
  7. Affection
  8. Physical attractiveness
  9. Intimate conversation
  10. Domestic support

Come back next Monday to find out how Harley ranks the items.  If you can’t stand the suspense, the link to the book is


3 Responses to “Top 10 Needs of Wives and Husbands”

  1. 1 Lauralea Suess March 18, 2013 at 6:54 PM

    I have a hunch it’s all abt sex!


  2. 2 Kelly March 20, 2013 at 9:10 AM

    We had read HNHN during pre-marital counseling, along with the 5 Love Languages and a stack of other books that were highly recommended. The Love Bank started out as kind of an inside joke between us, but has been a constant in our communication since day one. It is funny how much more relevant the ideas become as marriage and life moves on. 16 years ago I felt like they were all kind of unnecessary because “It will all work out! We are in love!” So adorably naive!

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